What the hell, in the end I met his mum wearing hot pants, no make-up and almost thought of not bothering with a bra (my sports bra was wholly soaked). *Laughs hysterically* Thanks to the s.o. who decided that it would be better for me to freshen up after our run at his home instead of the Mac opposite.

I love running and swimming :) And I promised Dildo, I'll whip his boyfriend into shape by their next soccer match. I don't intend for this to be an empty promise. And since I want to go swimming but the s.o. is appalled at the thought of me wearing my bikini, I purchased a plain black Victoria's Secret tankini at clearance. Beyond glad of my purchase (total plus shipping SGD98).

So we'll work out our exercise schedule and aim for healthy living. Damnit! I'll be browner than a nut!

So I went on my usual obsession driven spree at Watson' s, snapping up my favourite Olay and Nivea products and this super cool face sunblock from Biore! After you blend it into your face, it'll start to feel powdery instead of greasy :) I love!

Yeah, gue recessionista. Tak mampu beli Clinique, Shiseido, Estee Lauder dan sewaktu dengannya. Drugstore brands are the best!

Except for shampoo. I heart Kiehl's.

2 impacted lower and 2 normal wisdom teeth. Surgery with general anasthesia is estimated to total at $2560. I can only claim up to $2150 from my medisave. That still leaves me with what? $400 in cold hard cash! Surgery is scheduled for July. And I've also booked an appointment in October to fix my braces. And the total cost for that is a whopping $3210 of which I had to pay $214 today.

A total of almost $6k on my teeth alone!

I'll be flat broke till forever.

The question of the year and subsequent years after. When will I tie the knot? Let's see, I've already busted $3k on my IPL in April, Another $3k for my upcoming trip to Gold Coast in July, will be throwing another $4k for my braces in February 2010 and am still slogging away to repay my dad's CPF (gasp! after 3+ years of graduating with a sampah diploma) and this iMac.

Oh so that's where all my money went! Haha. If I wasn't doing all these nonsense I'll be like almost halfway done in my savings for any nuptials should anyone propose. My best friends and source of solace are my credit cards although the bills are totally EVIL. Benci aku!

And after I've done all these, I still have my driving to complete. And even after that has been striked of my inexhaustible list of things to do before I die, as I mentioned, the list is inexhaustible! Getting married is like somewhere at number 8901 between cleaning my room and counting my wrinkles.

*Sigh*

Anyway I'm finally going to go for my wisdom teeth surgery consultation today :) Finally or what!

I ordered a bunch of stuff from Forever 21's online store and it'll be arriving in a week's time! So excited :)

Anyway I did sort of promised to blog about my IPL treatment. I did my first session early this month and like 70% of the hairs have dropped! But it's too early to be so excited. I would rate the pain as pretty bearable except for the more sensitive parts like near the vaginal lips.

In case anyone is interested about the IPL treatment process, I'll share it with you! I'm doing my brazilian and underarm areas by the way.

Firstly, my therapist Celeste (I'm really comfortable with her) shaves whatever has grown from my last brazilian session and proceeds to spread this gel-like substance on the areas that will be zapped. She places the cooler (which kinds of feels like almost being burnt by dry ice initially) on the your skin and zaps you with the pulse light. She did my underarm first and when it zapped those areas with ingrown hair I swear I almost shrieked out in pain! Felt like a hot iron or something burnt me. The underarm was quick and then it was the brazilian area. 

Celeste keeps me distracted by talking. She told me, "This is the things we girls go through to look good. But don't worry, your boyfriend will be very appreciative!" To which I replied in an almost scream, "He better!" The whole process was over and done with within 20 minutes. And she promises the pain will get lesser and lesser when there is lesser and lesser hair.

I'm pretty excited for my next session in June. Get lost fuzz! Whee~

And I think I'm rather unprepared for my 10km run this Sunday. I still haven't completely recovered from my bout of flu. *Sigh*

I'd like to think if I gave it my all I'd be appreciated. But like a boss who recognises his talented staff too late, it is too late. A better offer comes along. Someone who recognises and better still, rewards.

Yes. I feel much appreciated now. I know he is far from perfect. But unlike the last, he understands that for me to feel secure I need attention. And He gives unselfishly. Of course, I am always demanding, always insecure. I am always scared.

Sometimes, the scars from the past never fades. But I thank God. He hasn't rebuffed me for my insecurities. The previous would have said, "Stop asking that question!" when he never really gave an answer in the first place. He, I hope will never ask me to stop asking.

For to stop is to not give a damn.

It's almost that time of the year again when my precious little Ahmad Rifkee celebrates his birthday. He's not so little now but still precious all the same :) Happy Seventh in Advance, Love!

I'm celebrating in my best summer frock with a mask and a tissue stuck up my nose. Unfortunately I'm down with what I suspect is the common cold since I have no fever. But having no voice, a Godawful earache and a nose that's running faster than I can catch today, is so bloody @%!#$!@!!!! Anyway, we shall be gallivanting till late in the evening and I hope he loves his present :D It's also kind of a surprise party because we're all here at this Godawful hour (when I could still be happily snoring away) to prepare everything for his arrival home from school. Exciting! 

I'm so into summer frocks right now. Even though I promised the s.o. that I'll cover up, I have to beg for a respite as the weather's unbearably hot and humid! I find it terribly disgusting to look down and see a wet armpit patch. So I'm sticking to my sleeveless clothes right now. 

I'm so tired... Going to roll around and annoy Aizad for a while.

Wow I was right about the slut. Apparently not many of my friends even remotely like her so I feel better about hating her so much.

Not that I really cared if I was the only one who despised her, but it does give me some sense of justification that, "Yes. The word slut does describe her every fibre."

What I judged her to be is true. Thank God she's in a different team and a different locker room.

First it was SARS, then Bird Flu and the Mad Cow Disease and now we have Swine Flu. How wonderful. Work goes on as usual though and since I come into contact with so many Goddamned dirty/unhygienic/downright disgusting mofos (especially those arseholes who dig their noses and wipe em on their passports) I guess I'll stock up on my Dettol wet wipes.

Had another titanic fight with the s.o. and for my sanity's sake and his happiness we're having a 2 week hiatus. Nothing good ever comes out of hiatus' but neither did anything good come out of such fights. I'm leaving my relationships in the hands of God. I try and try to keep my temper in check, I try and try to watch my tongue but I can't! I even snapped at Nisa last night even though she had nothing to do with it. Words just can't describe this extreme guilt I feel. I'm so sorry sis. I was just too pissed off.

I'm beginning to think this kind of anger management, the stupid one where you count to ten or to hundred to calm down isn't working for me.

God knows I try so bloody hard. Counting, berzikir... whatever! Nothing helps me calm down faster than screaming my frustrations out at the offensive person. I also try to keep myself busy, run, skip, cry, scream my frustrations away but it's not working! I'm willing to try almost anything. 

Maybe there's something wrong with me mentally. Maybe it's just the hormones. Maybe it's the genes. But whatever it is I know that however much I try, my mood swings will always be erratic and extreme. Maybe I'm just not meant to be in any relationship. Then I won't hurt anyone with my emotions.

I have no love nor respect for a woman who only talks to men and will not even smile back at another woman. And that slut can jolly well stay away from my significant other if she knows what's best for her. Grr. My head and heart is just shaking and throbbing in anger. 

After reading greencalculator 's entries as usual, I feel inspired to buy something. Haha. I remember when she posted about her yummy eyeshadows and the gorgeous things she did to her eyes with it... Nabeh. I also had to get it!

But I managed to restrain myself and bought 1 of those 4 colour palette ones from L'Oreal. Pun happy jugak lah. Then there was the ones about the digicam, the makeup brushes etc... OMG SAL! I might have to blame you for me overspending! Hahaha.

So thanks to her I feel inspired to finally after many years of yearning, get my own gold chain with my name in gold italics. But I don't know when. I think for my birthday because I want to get a pair of gold earrings. My ears are sensitive and I can never wear costume jewelry more than a few hours before they start to itch and pus starts to form.

I WANT GOLD! I LOVE GOLD!

OMG! My bimbo half has reared her ugly head and I find myself addicted to Girls Next Door! Yearp that's the reality TV show starring Hugh Hefner's 3 girlfriends (well... ex-girlfriends now) and their lives in the Playboy Mansion. I love love love! I can't believe I spent the whole morning just watching season 1 right up to episode 5 of season 4!

I just adore the way Holly calls Hugh Hefner "Huffin Boo"! Hehe, I like to give my significant others silly disgusting nicknames too! And I so adore the stupid theme song. Haha. OMG! I can't believe I'm gushing over this crappy show!

I decided to embark on IPL to remove hair on my puss and underarms. I really want to say goodbye forever to brazilian waxes and shaving!

Trust me, once you've done a brazilian you never want to have hair down there anymore! But what if I hit the big 40 and the skin isn't firm any longer? Then a wax is going to hurt like hell (you gotta ensure the area to be waxed is taut). But I'm not going to give any details until I've actually got down to doing it. My first session will most likely be in 3-4 weeks time when the hair starts to grow. I'll definitely keep you people updated on my progress and how many sessions I require. I hope 6 will be enough though.

After my wax session, I went down to Fu Lu Shou Complex to meet my favourite Malaysian masseuse. He looks like a typical dodgy beng but he sure knows how to knead the aches away! Very professional guy. I like those reflexology kinda massages because somehow they always know exactly where you're hurting (you don't have to tell them) and they press here and there and poof! Pain gone! And you're massaged fully clothed.

But I tell you, having a guy massage you is pretty terrifying. He's got lots of strength and when he uses his forearms or elbows to knead you'll want to scream in pain. But $25 for half an hour of torture... Very worth it. I can't remember the shop's name though. Next time I go I'll take note.

On a final note, anyone who has not watched Detroit Metal City... Go watch it now! It's a Japanese movie about some awkward country boy who studied in Tokyo and dreams of becoming a pop artiste. Unfortunately he's forced to perform in a death metal band which he hates. But he cannot leave because his boss is a terrifying lady who stubs out her cigarettes with her tongue or anyone's head.

It's sooooo funny! The entire theater was roaring with laughter! The Japanese sure know how to make a superb comedy.

But all good things must come to an end. Work tomorrow! Oh no! But I look forward to begin my training for the 10km Passion Run. I'm so excited! Anyone else passionate about running and would like to join me, sign up for it like right now okay?

Good night darlings. 

I haven't had the mood to update because I'm stuck at a crossroad. Which path should I take? Not easy considering I have no idea where each will take me.

I feel depressed thinking about it.

My slippers got stolen. It is annoying me to no end because they were my favourite pair! Out of all my Ipanema Gisele Bundchen thongs and sandals, why the fuck did you oh motherfucking thief had to steal my favourite pair???

I tried looking for that particular design and apparently it seems to be no longer sold in stores. So I had to get a new pair which although comfortable, is just not the same.

I can't believe I'm depressed about slippers. But I am.

Life sucks.

Mum bought an I Mac for the home. So far it's ok. Today's outing if it weren't for Geng and his girlfriend would have been hands down the most boring of the boring outings ever in my entire existence.

I think I need to make sure whoever I'm hanging out with is in the mood for conversation before I go out with them.

I want a baby. I want a baby. Will someone kidnap some kid for me?

Please? I'll love you forever...

Was reading Sal's LJ and I think I have to agree. I prefer dating guys who are commitment phobes only so I don't have to think of a future with them.

Well of course, which girl doesn't dream of that to-die-for wedding, honeymoon, the house with the white picket fence or in more realistic Singapore context a gorgeously decorated HDB flat with an amazing husband and wonderful kids?

I want! But I haven't met that 1 guy to really inspire me to work towards that goal ya'know? I'm quite tired of dreaming about the future. But I really wish I could have a kid without a husband.

The Bodyshop Warehouse sale was rather disappointing. Their All in One Face Base came only in 3 shades instead of the usual 4. And my shade was conveniently missing. Shouldn't have wasted my time there. After that I just lost the mood to fight with the stupid crowd. Bought a blusher and a makeup pouch. I always need makeup pouches. Well what the hell, I just have to face it. I don't wear sales items. I always have to get mine at retail price.

The IT Fair was a little better but just as shitty otherwise. I got myself a pretty blue 8GB thumbdrive. Don't have to fight any longer with my brothers for storage. My parents have decided to get a Mac. I'm all for change. Who knows it lasts longer than PCs? When you have brothers like mine, you really don't care what computer you're using as long as it functions. I think my parents are just hoping Macs live up to their reputations as being more durable than PCs. Apple, you got a lot to prove.

On a brighter note, I finally got my Midnight Fantasy :) As much as I dislike Britney Spears, I adore her line of fragrances! Its so totally me! Girly. I love it.

The SMDs are going to Seoul Garden tomorrow and I won't be joining them. Firstly my wisdom teeth are acting up and secondly I hate Seoul Garden. I dislike paying to cook my own shitty food. I might as well go home and cook for free. It'll still taste as shitty.

Maybe its just because I can eat only soft foods that has gotten me this cranky. Naah. Seoul Garden is a scam. Only for people who live their whole lives for BBQ-ing or those who are really paranoid about people spitting into their food. What to do. Majority of Singaporeans adore BBQs.

Recently we had to do our Annual Declaration of Indebtedness and Investments. I don't know why a simple thing like that can spark a lot of excitement. Some bugger asked me, "Hey if I still haven't finished paying off my car loan should I declare myself as AM Free or AM NOT free?"

I told him to declare as AM free if he has no arrears and his bank is not suing his ass left, right and center over the loan. Then another bugger butts in. "No... You must declare as AM NOT Free. It's a loan what!"

So is he trying to imply that anyone who takes a loan is considered financially embarrassed? And everyone and anyone knows you get into serious trouble if you're financially embarrassed and working in the civil service. I would say then that 90% of us would get our services terminated.

My superior butts in and tells the first bugger to declare as AM Free as per what I told him and explained about what constitutes being financially embarrassed. Basically it means being BANKRUPT.

Damn, do I hate that word and all its connotations.

Today I'm heading down to the IT Fair and Bodyshop Warehouse Sale. Woohoo, I'm going to whack my way through!

I am so excited! My holiday has been booked with CTC, we're just awaiting our visa applications to be approved. I still think Chan Brothers are a ripoff. Very inflexible and simply not worth considering unless you're a tourist's tourist.

I mean c'mon. Free and easy means you should have your own free choice to go wherever you wish to go. Chan Brothers does not give you that option. And worse, everything adds up more than if you bother to scour options yourself.

With CTC you tell them what you need they give you a price and options to upgrade. No hard sales tactic, didn't tell us that if we don't book now and now we wouldn't get this rates etc. Or maybe we just got a very professional sales exec. In fact I rather liked the way he handled us.

I stated, "I need a flight to Gold Coast, preferably on the 1st week of July and an accommodation with airport transfers." He punched out numbers and gave us a pretty good deal. Seats on Qantas and accommodation in a 4star hotel for less than what Chan Brothers quoted us for a 3star hotel.

Fuss free and quick. And it is definitely below our budget of $1.5k. Now we're just planning out the quickest and most effecient way to get around without a car. Suggestions welcome!

I barely know myself anymore. I went from cold almost heartless and I grew to become someone who has lost control of everything.

One extreme to the next.

I'm falling apart and cannot help myself. And everyone's giving up on me.